Thursday, October 28, 2004


Day 36

The day I came down into the plains, as us barbarians and barbariennes do, some hill village lost its chance to have a prize-winning idiot of its own. I'm surprised I was ever taught to write - hells, I'm surprised my mother ever managed to teach me to squat on a pot! If a besieging army were ever short of a battering ram, they could borrow me, my head would certainly be thick enough, it must be almost entirely solid bone.

When I think that, for three ten-days, the whole town has been assuming stuff about me that had never made the very short trip from one side of my mind to the other. Wen I look back at what people, in a friendly way, have been saying that I just didn't notice... well, my brain seems entirely qualified to fly south for the winter.

Am I some sort of innocent, who shouldn't be let out alone? Well yes, obviously. And in the pages of this book I smugly went on about screwing Torner in a sleazy tavern bedroom. But still, even looking back through the pages here, I see things I reported, comments I made, that any rational adult would have understood... but I didn't! I'm an idiot, an absolutely hopeless case, thank goodness I don't wear shoes with laces, I'd keep tying them together and falling over...

Oh, look at this. "I idly stroked her blonde hair"! And there's Del, referring to my "little friend", and me writing "I'll admit to letting her give me a sponge-bath", for Sunil's sake! "This golden-haired, beautiful creature, so gentle, so reliant on me", I blithely warbled - I can't go on looking at the old entries, it's too stupidly painful. My room becomes our room, my bed becomes our bed - you'd never think that Charol, that drooling simpleton, wore an old leotard in bed, and when a sleepy Memree rested her head on my shoulder, did I do more than smile drowsily? Did I even notice that Memree didn't wear anything in bed? Oh, and look, back on page two, "Saster said something, 'A man is for an evening's pleasure, a woman for a lifetime's love' - and I remarked that there was an equivalent male saying too, which also involved melons!" Well excuse me while I go and bash my head against the wall a few times. Hah! "But I'm young, an occasional evening's pleasure is all I'm aiming for at the moment", I actually wrote that down in my own joined-up handwriting.

As you may have gathered, finally Man Coker's reference to Memree as my "lady" penetrated the thick fuzz surrounding my pea-brain. Delinda, Ashil, Coker, the women at the market, the blacksmith, they all know Memree and I are a couple, sleep together... so why didn't I know it? Because I am incredibly stupid, that's why! All that kinky stuff that the dear girl so happily went along with...she must think... well, what in all the nine hells can she think? She's grateful that I rescued her from that dungeon, so maybe she is just waiting for messages that reached my eyes three ten-days ago to finally reach my little brain, if it hasn't closed down and gone to sleep for the winter.

Yes, I have had a drink or two, I was so wrapped up in myself I didn't care what the people in the tavern were thinking, at least not at first, and when one or two familiar faces asked where Memree was this evening, I just muttered something, I don't remember what. Del thinks I am biased, Ashil thinks I'm biased, and Man Coker, and probably Torner just thinks I fancied a change that evening.

Screw it! No, that's not appropriate, Ser Librarian, is it? I can't even swear properly now. You must think Memree and I have been at it all the time and I just haven't mentioned it here. Ha!

Ooh, tomorrow I am going to have such a hangover, but I'm going to have to talk to her, tell her that I'm stupid, that I'm terribly terribly slow, but - what? Do I ask her to go out with me...?

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